Jeans by Joel

I came across a problem today, one that I seem to be encountering more often. That problem is jeans, and the styles that are available to men in 2017. I realise that fashion changes and as we become older we are less likely to want to stray from a style that we are comfortable with, however, at 28 I don’t consider myself to be that old. Now, I’m not the most fashionable man but I’m far from behind the times, my mates wouldn’t allow for that as I’m sure I would be the butt of all jokes should I rock up in anything other than what they find acceptable.

Two days ago, when I find yet another pair of my H&M jeans have frayed around the groin and towards the rear I feel it is time to treat myself and replace them. I don’t know if it’s just me but this seems (*pun) to happen to every pair of jeans I’ve ever owned, could this be because of the cheaper quality denim or maybe I have big ass or that, “they don’t make them like they used to”, who knows but it is very frustrating.

So, I’m wandering around the shopping centre looking in all of the usual retail stores (H&M, River Island, Topman) hoping to find a pair of jeans that; won’t cost me a fortune, will last longer than a month and obviously, a colour I like and size that fits – I don’t think that’s too much to ask for. Before I get the chance to see if they will last longer than a month or even look at the price I stumble across the first problem, skinny jeans. Skinny jeans have been in fashion for a while now and while I can appreciate different fashion choices and why they seem to be so popular I don’t understand why 90% of the jeans available must be this cut. I’ve tried them on before and can barely get them over my calves never mind my thighs! I’d like to note I do like the occasional leg session at the gym but I would consider my legs to be of “normal” size, so for a normal sized guy to fit in a pair of skinny jeans is ridiculous and potentially dangerous. I hear that they restrict blood flow and cause your balls to overheat, now that’s not something I want my little swimmers to have to deal with, I would therefore normally go for a slim cut but because skinny are in fashion this only leaves two styles of slim cut to choose from. On one of these slim cut styles someone has decided to slit my lovely new jeans several times down the thigh forcing me to brave the cold and…look like a dick. Some people can pull it off but I can’t nor do I want to. Now for the only available slim style left available to me, there’s still hope. Nice colour, right size, brilliant I’ll take them, only to go to the till and as the cashier is folding them up I see studs or sequins of some sort plastered all over the rear pocket. Needless to say, I left the shopping centre empty handed, frustrated and wearing a pair of frayed jeans.

To anyone in the fashion industry that reads this, please can you make a pair of standard jeans, nice colours, that fit well and don’t make me look like I’m part of a 90’s boy band. #Saynotoskinnyjeans

One Reply to “Jeans”

  1. I find this specific blog entry both distasteful and disingenuous. The writer should not hide behind the image of someone that cares, he should just be his stupid, selfish self.

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