The Ducati Panigale

The Ducati Panigale by Matthew

As a keen biker, I love the feeling of racing through the English countryside, with the wind in my hair as I max the speedo out, I should have RSI the amount I max the throttle out on my bebwi.  So naturally, when Tri Guys asked me to review the Ducati Panigale I jumped at the opportunity. This beauty is one fine specimen, if you don’t treat it with it’s all due respect, it’ll sucker punch you right in the nuts, and so that’s exactly what I did – I disrespected the fuck out of it.

Now I’m a facts and figures guy and I can assure you the Ducati really punches the shit out of those numbers. Here are just a few to wet your juices. When you jack this baby up to the max and set about putting down a 0-60 test, Albert fucking Einstein rolls over in his grave as this bike tears through the very fabric of space-time. I mean literally, you cannot record a time as this hot rod breaks down modern physics as we know it. How much does it weigh you ask? Well it doesn’t, that’s the other edge this bike has over it’s opposition, made mostly of gypsy dreams (the hardest to catch) this bike does not have a definitive weight, just a strong urge to fight and lay tarmac. And finally, the cost. Like everyone and everything in this material world, it has a price. Except this, this bike has not been given a value – an oversight in Ducati’s sales and marketing.

This bike can make you feel like a million bucks if you treat it right, it is the perfect remedy to that middle age crisis you’re heading straight for, so why not head on down to your nearest Ducati dealership today where you can’t buy it, because it doesn’t have a value.

Until next time, stay safe, drive four wheeled vehicles. x

The Perfect Curry

The Perfect Curry by Matthew

January 10, 2017. It was a cold, wet night. The weather reflects my internal mood after another long week at work, I start to feel a single tear well up in the corner of my eye, I try to hold It back but try as I might the tear reaches critical mass and spills over, sloping down my weary face, past the cheek,  down the contour of my mouth and off the chin into freefall, bottomless, eternal freefall just like all of our pointless lives. Until ‘SPLASH’. The tear breaks joyously on the surface of my already overly- engorged phallus. The lubrication is heavenly, this truly felt like divine intervention.

Looking back on this diary entry it’s difficult to see how this relates to curry at all. So if you’re still reading this, what the fuck is wrong with you? But also, if you’ll indulge me, let’s spend a short while reviewing The Indian Queen in Wroxton.

Set just outside of Wroxton, The Indian Queen offers great food at fuck you prices. I’m just kidding, the food is good and the prices are better.

OK, so check back in soon and we’ll have more reviews in the coming weeks!